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Paladin_604
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Name: Jason
Country: Canada
Birthday: 4/19/1983
Gender: Male
Interests: Tae Kwon Do, Basketball, Vollyball, Badminton, Tennis, Pool, Bubble tea (is that a hobby?)
Occupation: Student
Industry: Business
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
5/28/2003
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| Repeating the same mistake? I guess I consistently go through this cycle where I try to do it all. But in a way that is my character, trying to do it all. And in a way it's the way I find happiness, when I finally find success. Trying to balance it all in, Work, School, Taekwondo, other things. One thing I do notice is, I miss taekwondo. I miss fighting. Good to be back, even if i'm not as good as I was. | | |
| Maybe I was wiser before It's interesting, just tonight i've been browsing some of my old Xanga posts. I think I had my head on more straight then compared to now. Out of all my posts, the one that stands out the most to me is my post about buddhist Philosophy. "Desire is the source of all agony." It's strange, it's like I was writing to myself in the future. To recite, desire is the source of all agony. In my past two years, I have desired many of the things I mentioned in that blog. Nice car, a good job, success in school etc. And while i've obtained those things... I think I feel shittier today than I did back then when I didn't have it all. It's funny isn't it? everything I said back then is all coming true. Let's break this down... I have a nice car now compared to when I wrote that. And while a Mazda6 Sport isn't the nicest car out there, it is better than the avergage car you see people buy while they're still in school. But yes it doesn't make me super happy. I thought that, maybe some days i'd wakeup and be like.. hey, I drive a car that I know for sure will start up in the morning... but I don't get that. I don't envy ppl who drive nicer cars and desire their cars, but having a nice car doesn't bring me the happiness I thought it would bring. And while my job isn't exactly the greatest job in the world, I think it is definately safe to say that I have something secure and solid which is much better than most people my age and at their stage of their career. I got hired while still in School working as an entry level accountant for a multi-million dollar publicly traded software company down town. The pay isn't great, but at least i'm getting experiance in the right field. If I told the me of 2 yrs ago this would happen i'm sure I'd think that i am very successful, however right now I almost give no thought of success to my job. What does this all mean? I think that my life is in pieces right now. In some way or another, i've achieved with partial success what I set out years ago to accomplish. Yet why do I feel this large gaping void and that I haven't accomplished a thing? I still have my same values of right and wrong, and I still believe in doing the right thing. I haven't really done much to be ashamed of myself for. I think the answer lies in what I said earlier. No matter how much I achieve I will always want more. If i have a nice car, it may not be that i want a nicer car but it'll be something else. Like I want the company that I started up to succeed or that I want my to be an intermediate accountant making so and so salary. I guess i'll be posting up where to go from here someday soon I hope... | | |
| U-Pass Ads
Just a thought since i've been riding the bus so much lately.. but.. aren't U-Pass advertisments the most stupid and pointless things? Seriously. I mean a U-pass isn't a commodity which you can purchase nor is it a service that you can voluntairly pay for. Advertising it does not promote any sort of cultural or public awareness, nor does it compel those highschool students to work hard to get into SFU or UBC so they can get a cheap bus pass. Moreover, when you are a university student, you don't even have a choice of NOT purchasing it, so what the heck is the point of the ads?
It's awesome to see how these morons spend our tuition money huh?
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| Milestones
Wow. it's been awhile since I wrote in this thing...
The other day, someone said something to me that I never realized, or at least never thought of in that way. That being, that as you pass through life, people, your friends etc. will only see your milestones, true friends and the ones you care about will see everything as it progresses, and it's the people who are with you as you go through that progression which makes a relationship meaningful.
For those of you who know what i'm going through, I think the next year will prove whether what i'm doing will progress right or not. It reminds me of a passage in the Ilhad, although I don't remember the exact wording. It was the speech that was given to Achilles when he decided to re-enter the trojan war. Although that movie Troy pretty much crapped the greatness of that passage out, it was basically a choice to choose between living a long life or becoming immortalized.
In the war, Achilles decided to "boycott" the war by refusing to fight. In the midst of this he was told that, he could leave Troy, and live a long life, but nobody will remember him. Or he can enter the war, and die and be remembered. Ultimately of course he chose to die and become immortalized as a legend.
Somehow this parallels what i'm going through, at least I think so. In order to become immortalized in my own way, i've sacrificed my pride, my reputation and to a point, some of the friends I had. I'm hated and i'm called a traitor, partially because people don't understand, and never will. Am I a traitor? Sure, probably. However, I don't regret, but I wonder if things will turn out, if this gamble will go right.
The odds are greatly against me, and everyone thus far with any authority or superiority has told me it's impossible to achieve what I want. I'm going to prove them wrong, I have one shot in a million, let's do it. | | |
| A Thought...
To have big ambitions, one must be prepared for big failure. Ironically, when one gives up that ambition, that's when they find peace. Sometimes at the cost of death itself. | | |
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